My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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