my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
