He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
