I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
