So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
