My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
