He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
