i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
