Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
two words...techno handjob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
