my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think i have two assholes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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