If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
