420 ftw
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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