Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
