I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
