I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
