Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
