Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
