I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
