I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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