we have pet lesbian snakes
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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