So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Rumble strips road head = magical
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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