He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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