another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
