I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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