Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
