I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
