I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
