What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
