Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
