So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
