Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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