Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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