Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
