he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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