These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hippo gnu deer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
