Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
