I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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