I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
