Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
