WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
