the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
