The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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