the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
