i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
