You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
