Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
