Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
