tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
