From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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