We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
